Hello Sports Fans,
As Yamashita sits back with a hard-earned sake after a long day at work, it’s hard to believe we’re already at the second major of the year. Quail Hollow, with all its big-boy yardage, is proving to be quite the test for even the most elite in the field. And while the leaderboard is still very much a work-in-progress, one thing is certain: the cut list is stacked like a LIV afterparty.
Of the 16 LIV players who turned up, only 8 made the cut, and the walk of shame back to the parking lot included some heavy hitters. Cam Smith, Patrick Reed, Dustin Johnson, Cupcakes (Koepka), and even Phil—gone. And poor Phil had the kind of TV moment we all dread: four shots to get out of a bunker, aired in full 1080p for the world to cringe through. He carded an 8 on a par-4, folks. So remember, your triple bogey last weekend? You and Phil are basically the same.
Nike, We Need to Talk
Let’s get into the fashion—or what’s posing as fashion this week. The Nike boys showed up in their now-standard style vacuum: solid tops, zero personality, and pants in your choice of white, grey, or (surprise!) blue. Even the spicy red-bottom shoes from Augusta were nowhere to be seen. Nike, darling, if you’ve run out of ideas, just say so. You had Tiger in his prime and still couldn’t make a decent golf shoe. Now you’ve got Scottie trotting out in more shades of blue than a Picasso. Yammie and Norse are begging—drop golf or get it together.
And speaking of shoes: still mostly awful. For a sport that walks 5+ miles a round, we expect something that combines function and fashion. Yammie is now officially exploring a golf shoe line. FootJoy, you had the crown—Classics were the GOAT—but you dropped it. Time for someone with taste (read: Yammie) to enter the arena.
Mudballs and Meltdowns
Now let’s get a little muddy—literally. The biggest controversy isn’t who made the cut, it’s the mud balls. The PGA of America (not the Tour, and yes there is a difference) made the players play it down—no lift, clean, and place. And while that might sound noble, what we got was a lot of players begging for mercy. Shane Lowry had what might be the worst break in recent memory: ball lands not in his own pitch mark, but someone else’s. No relief. Meltdown ensues. Shane rips up the green and flips the bird walking off. Yammie’s heart cracked a little—we love Shane, but this was a most dishonorable display.
And full confession: Yammie himself had a moment last weekend. First club toss in 20 years. Norse witnessed it. Shame has filled the household. We’re taking applications for her new playing partner.
Style Watch: Is Xander Rebranding Twitter?
Let’s talk accessories—specifically, that big “X” on the back of Xander Schauffele’s hat. Is he sponsored by Twitter? Is he sponsoring Twitter? Or has he decided that he is the brand? We were baffled. Turns out it’s his own personal logo. Yep. The “X” is for Xander, not Elon. It’s part of his branding push and not some kind of social media collab—though, let’s be honest, if anyone was gonna make Twitter cool again, it might be Xander in a major.
Best in Show (Kind Of)
Young Alex Smalley gets props for a clean, luminous look and solid play—dude weighs about 98 pounds soaking wet but showed up like a boss. Fitzpatrick has been all class: understated, elegant, and appropriately muted. And surprisingly, two LIV guys—DeChambeau and Hatton—actually brought some heat. Unfortunately, they’re so covered in logos they look ready to line up at Daytona. NASCAR vibes. Less is more, fellas.
That’s all for now, dear readers. Yammie’s got some feelings about the bags and gear (TaylorMade, we see you), but we’ll save those spicy takes for tomorrow. Forecast calls for rain, so who knows—maybe the fashion will get washed clean and the cream will rise.
Until then, may your sake be warm and your polos wrinkle-free.
– Yammy & the Norse Goddess